Team GB Shock

Man with beard and Olympic torch

Sports fans the length and breadth of Great Britain were stunned yesterday by the news that the most iconic player of recent years has not been selected for the final squad for the Team GB Olympic soccer team.

Fantasy Bob had been desperate to play.  He thought that his display of midfield skills on Tuesday when Carlton nets were washed out and an impromptu football match was organised would have clinched his place. However the lone spectator watching the performance was not Team GB manager Stuart Pearce as he had been led to believe, but one of Carlton's many dog walking members.

FB told reporters that he was 'gutted that Pearcey hadn't turned up'. He went on to say that this was the biggest opportunity for cliches in his career. He was as sick as a parrot.

Gary Lineker Tweeted that that he felt for FB. 'He's given so much to the game and to the Olympics,' he said in total ignorance of who FB is. Other football pundits were quick to criticise Pearce suggesting he could not cope with a player of FB's global standing in the squad.  They also noted that many teams were now playing with a withdrawn centre forward which is known as the false number 9. FB would be a natural for this position - all his positions are false.

Lord Coe, the Olympics heid bummer, said he would look for a special role for FB during the Olympics. He said, 'With any luck we can keep him as far away from the action as possible.'

David Beckham was not available for Carlton All Star 4th XI this weekend.