Waverley

Prompted by a piece in the popular press which told him that it was first published 200 years ago on 7 July, Fantasy Bob has been reading Sir Walter Scott's novel Waverley.

Has nothing to say
about the station.

It is a disappointing read - it has nothing to say about the station. FB supposes it has this much in common with Trainspotting.

Not that FB is particularly interested in stations. Cricket is more his thing and neither novel really delivers much in that area either.

A cricketer’s pulse might be stirred in the first paragraph of Scott’s romance where he writes ‘Would not the owl have shrieked and the cricket cried in my very title-page?’ He should not get his hopes up. This is a tease. The next 600 pages make no further reference to cricket crying or otherwise.  In this it has much in common with Trainspotting.

Waverley was Scott's first novel and was a sensation - as in its day was Trainspotting. 

..and no cricketing interest

Waverley quickly sold out and went through multiple editions. It is generally reckoned by those who know about these things to be the first historical novel in the English language - without it Game of Thrones would not have been possible. So there. 

It is not clear, at least to FB, why Scott chose the name for his central character - a young Englishman with romantic ideals who finds himself in Scotland at the start of the 1745 Jacobite Rising and becomes part of it.  He might as well have named his hero Bradman, or Hammond, or Tendulkar.  

At that time the only Waverley was a ruined abbey in Surrey, and the adjacent borough. But so massively popular was the novel that a significant number of places were named after it, Edinburgh's principal station most of all. 

There is a Waverley in New South Wales, Tasmania and Western Australia. There is a Mount and Glen Waverley in Melbourne. There are 2 Waverleys in New Zealand and 3 in South Africa. 3 areas bear its name in Canada. There are several listed mansions of that name in the US, and over 30 locations with the alternative spelling Waverly.

Robson - a link to Waverely

Nor is Waverley without resonance to the cricketer. Easts CC play on the Waverley Oval in Sydney, close by the SCG and Bondi Beach – the club was formerly known as Waverley CC.  Its head coach is Michael Bevan and it is where current England opener Sam Robson learned his cricket.

It is here that similarities between Waverley and Trainspotting end. There are no cricket grounds named after Trainspotting.

Cricket at the Waverley Oval, NSW

Jumping Mad

There being nothing better to do for the moment, Fantasy Bob completed a short questionnaire on the BBC Commonwealth Games website which offered to identify which sports he would be best at.

Cricket shamefully being absent from these Games, the expected advice that FB should stick to bowling extended spells up the hill against the wind rather than entertain fantasies in other areas of sporting endeavour was not forthcoming.  Surprisingly perhaps the computer seemed not to take account of FB's honest reporting of his extreme age and suggest that, in order to avoid undue pressure on emergency services, lawn bowls as the only suitable activity for him.

Not advised for FB

Instead the computer spilled forth the following advice:

Power, poise and focus is the name of the game for those who fancy themselves in the jumping events

While FB felt a mild relief that he was not deemed a suitable candidate for rhythmic gymnastics, he is uncertain that the computer is working effectively. 

The sad truth is that few of FB's colleagues in the Carlton All Stars Fourth Xl are likely to recognise this portrait of FB.  Power and poise are not the qualities that come first to their minds when thinking about their skipper - too often have they seen even the shimmer of poise that he might have shown abandoned as he reports yet another unsuccessful outcome of the toss to them.  The only focus he ever seems to offer is on the next empire biscuit.  In sum, the only jumping they've ever seen him doing is jumping the queue at the tea table.

However, since this questionnaire is described as being devised by top academics from a reputable British institution of higher education, FB must assume it is packed with insight and he should therefore get to grips with these jumping events.

This may be challenging and he is concerned that undue concentration on these events will limit his availability for the rest of the season.  A wider more joined up view of these potentially competing activities is therefore required.

The following world records have been suggested as relevant to FB's new career: 

World triple jump record - 18.29m - Jonathan Edwards - August 1995
World long jump record - 8.95m - Mike Powell - August 1991
World pole vault record - 6.16m - Renaud Lavillenie - Feb 2014

 

Commentators of the world of athletics will all judge these performances to be a good length.  But FB is not convinced.  From batting crease to batting crease measures 17.68m.  It therefore follows that the effort of Mr Edwards is seriously overpitched and would undoubtedly be smacked to a distant boundary.  The efforts of M Lavillenie and Mr Powell are  barely half trackers and would surely suffer a similar fate.

FB's further researches tell him that John McKenzie set the Scottish Triple Jump Record in September 1994 in Bedford at 16.17m. 

As the accompanying coaching aid shows this, on the right wicket could be more or less a good length.  While Mr McKenzie competed for Scotland, he was Australian born and is now resident in Australia - this may explain his understanding of length.

Mr McKenzie is to be congratulated and FB will use him as a guide to his new career, whether he likes it on not.

Freedom Come All Ye

Some things inspire even a tired old medium pacer like Fantasy Bob.

So come all ye at hame wi Freedom,
Never heed whit the hoodies croak for doom
In your hoose a' the bairns o Adam
Can find breid, barley-bree and painted room.

A verse from the great song Freedom Come All Ye, sung with compelling effect at the opening of the Commonwealth Games by Pumeza Matshikiza. 

She, and the song, put the shameful efforts of Rod Stewart, John Barrowman and Karen Dunbar firmly in their place. Test Match Quality.

In a perfect world - where rain never stops play and all batsmen walk - Freedom Come All Ye would be the national anthem - not of Scotland - for it is explicitly anti the concept of nation - but of all nations.

Hamish Henderson

Freedom Come All Ye was written by Hamish Henderson in 1960 to the tune the Bloody Fields of Flanders. Henderson was a major figure in the revival of interest in Scottish Folk music and culture in the second half of the last century - many suggest he is the most important Scottish poet since Burns. 

That may be so, but the sad fact is that his work does not include much of interest to the cricketer. Freedom, justice, equality, human dignity are common themes, but seam bowling is absent.

This oversight is a bit surprising, for Henderson in his younger years would certainly have had much opportunity to gain familiarity with the great game. 

Cricket Pavilion - Dulwich College

Although born to modest circumstances in Blairgowrie, he gained a scholarship to Dulwich College, a slightly posh public school in London.   There is a long and proud tradition of cricket at Dulwich College - PG Wodehouse, whose time at the College preceded that of Henderson's by a couple of decades, commented that cricket was one of the major strengths of the school.   There is a suggestion that term “Cow Corner” originated here -  the scholars thinking that because few proper cricket shots are aimed to this part of the field, fielders are rarely placed there  which lead them to suggest that cows could happily graze in that area. 

(FB is unconvinced by that derivation - in lower league cricket with which FB is familiar the opposite is of course the case. It is one of the most busy parts of the field.  It is cow corner after the agricultural nature of the shots that put the ball there.)

Henderson could have done some sterling work investigating this important etymological issue, but declined the opportunity.  Dulwich has produced a number of prominent cricketers.  Most recently, England Test players Eoin Morgan and Chris Jordan have been students at Dulwich.  But the most significant cricketer to have come from the school is undoubtedly Trevor Bailey. (61 Caps for England and Cricketer of the Year in 1950).  The school's sports ground now bears his name.

Henderson and Bailey overlapped at Dulwich.  Did the Boil ever face him in the nets?  Impossible to say for there is no reference to Bailey - nor even net practice - in Henderson's work .   (FB has therefore done one better than him).

Nor did he exploit his higher education properly either.  He read languages at Downing College Cambridge, which was founded in 1800 and is the only college at Cambridge founded between 1596 and 1869.  Cricket was readily available.  Its most famous cricketing son is Mike Atherton.

In cricketing terms therefore Hamish Henderson is a disappointment.  It is as well therefore that he has left us Freedom Come All Ye - it redeems everything.

Broken faimlies in lands we’ve herriet
Will curse Scotland the Brave nae mair, nae mair;
Black and white, ane til ither mairriet
Mak the vile barracks o their maisters bare

Click on this link to find a truly great rendition of the song - Katrine Polwart unaccompanied in the Orkney Italian Chapel.

Scottie Dugs

Fans hoping to see this at GL this weekend are likely to be disappointed.

The executive authorities at go-ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton have issued the following advice to teams visiting the club's prestigious Grange Loan HQ:

'Visiting clubs should bring their own Scottie Dug. 

'Carlton's reserve supplies of this popular mascot have dried up following recent tragic events at Celtic Park.  Present CricketScotland restrictions mean that they have been unable to register alternative supplies in time for forthcoming matches.

'Carlton would also like to remind visiting clubs that dressing junior members up and pretending that they are Scottie Dugs, or even Tea Cakes, is not an acceptable substitute.

'Carlton apologises for the inconvenience and distress caused by these unfortunate developments.'

The club later confirmed that there is no imminent threat to the supply of empire biscuits at Grange Loan.

The Baggy Blue

Not part of the
bowling attack

Fantasy Bob had the novel experience this week of taking to the cricket field leading a side where the aggregate age of his bowling attack stood comfortably above his own age.  For once the only 12 year old in sight was the Macallan behind the bar.

For go-ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton had arranged a fixture against cricketers from the Victoria Over Sixty Cricket Association (VOSCO) as part of their epic tour of Ireland Scotland and Iceland.   Fantasy Bob was pleased to learn that over 60's cricket is immensely popular in Australia, where the Victorian Association has over 15 member clubs, and increasingly in other parts of the world.  FB's researches tell him that even Scotland has fielded an over 60s team this season in a tussle with England.

VOSCO tour booklet

It was not clear what act of temporary insanity lead the club's normally level minded administrative supremos to invite FB to skipper the distinguished side.  But invite him they did - and what's more to the point, arranged as perfect a summer's day as ever there can have been at the club's prestigious HQ at Grange Loan.

Those spectators who tumbled into the ground in anticipation of a feast of cricket were not disappointed. Neither were those who tumbled in merely in search of a feast, for the catering throughout the event was of Test Match Quality.

Those among FB's handful of worldwide readers wishing to learn more of the keenly contested proceedings are invited to turn to the match report on the club's excellent website.

Those who have better things to do should nevertheless be aware that before play got under way the skipper of the touring side presented each of Carlton's select XI with a special tour cap bearing the association's badge.

But for FB as skipper they held back something special.  A baggy blue cap from the Carlton Cricket Club in Melbourne which FB wore with pride throughout the afternoon's play.

Senior members of Carlton looked at FB's smart new headgear with more than a hint of envy.  For amongst some of those grizzled seniors the issue of caps is a sensitive one.  Many a visitor to the pavilion, unaware of the history of this controversial issue, has casually passed an innocent observation on the  head gear adorning the team on the field, only to reel from the room several hours later after an exhausting exegesis of the garment's inadequacies.

For there are those among the senior playing members who regard the pale duck egg blue of the currently prescribed cap as inappropriate.  They may accept that it has some utility on a gloomy day at Grange Loan, when its pale glow is often a clue that there is a fielder in the vicinity.  But that, as far as they are concerned, that is the limit of its usefulness.  While they may accept the baseball cap type dimensions the milliner has imposed on the object, they secretly yearn for a baggy to call their own.

But above all, it is the duck-eggness of it that offends these sensibilities.  It is the delicacy of the pastel shade. It is the light blueness of it.  There is no escape from the passive quietness of the shade.

FB's readers can make their own minds up.................

For these unreconstructed minds, this is not a shade which is consistent with digging it in short, or creaming it through the covers, or whanging it in from the boundary.  They see it as a suitable adornment for needlepoint, or lace making, or even cup-cake decoration.  Important pastimes all, many of them Olympic sports in which these senior members on occasion participate with distinction, but outside the cricket season.

But this is no longer an aesthetic issue that FB has to worry about.  For now he has his baggy blue.

Vandalism

Fantasy Bob was disappointed to read a recent report of further vandalism at the ground of Glenrothes CC.  This club has suffered more than most - and certainly more than it deserves - from such mindlessness.  Glenrothes CC has also suffered from the mindlessness of a previous post by FB.  How can one club put up with so much?

To FB's mind, no punishment is too gross for anyone who would vandalise a cricket ground.  A life sentence facing leg spin bowling is the least that the courts should stipulate.

Vandalism gives the Vandals a bad name.  Originally the Vandals were an East Germanic tribe, or group of tribes, who were first heard of in southern Poland, but later moved around Europe establishing kingdoms in Spain and later North Africa in the 5th century.  Renaissance and Early Modern writers characterised the Vandals as barbarians playing a major part in the sacking and looting of Rome and the term widened to the destruction of works of art and by extension anything else.

There is no suggestion that the original vandals desecrated cricket grounds - and indeed more contemporary writers suggest that they had great respect for Roman cultural achievements (they just liked looting them a bit more).  So real vandals might have regarded the facilities of Glenrothes with proper respect.

FB has to tread with care here and not mount the high horse too mightily.  For he had an early career in vandalism.  Some junior members of go ahead Edinburgh cricket Club Carlton, familiar with FB's increasingly geriatric manoeuvres in the field, may be forgiven for thinking that he was actually involved in the sacking of Rome.  But he missed this event.  Just.

FB missed out on the sacking of Rome

No, his career dated to a time in Aberdeen when he lived in a new house on a new development. All around chez FB (site of the only L shaped cricket pitch in the history of the game) were houses being built.  This being a civilised time before health and safety was invented, there were no security fences anywhere. FB and his chums were free to roam through the shells of soon-to-be-luxury executive homes.  Bliss it was to be alive and all that.

Generally FB and his chums were well behaved on their expeditions to those buildings.  But one summer evening for some reason - perhaps an overindulgence in sherbet fountains or the state of the moon - they took to throwing roofing tiles from the higher points of a building.  They watched as they cartwheeled to the ground and smashed into pieces.  This proved exciting for 10 minutes or so and then the gang went on to something else more gentle and civilised.

This incident faded quickly from FB's mind, but it seems to have troubled the building company who did not share his youthful excitement at converting a stack of pristine tiles into a pile of rubble.  Their preference was definitely for a set of tiles which would be nailed on to the roofs of their emerging executive townhouses.  So a couple of days later the police appeared at FB's front door - (Fit like, fit like, fit like................) seeking information about what he knew about the incident.

Even at that tender age FB understood the importance of walking when he had tickled the ball behind.  He would not have dreamed of doing otherwise.  There was no need for Aberdeen's finest to test their range of interrogation techniques.  A seat in the front room with his Mum and Dad was all that was needed.

'Yes,' he knew about it.  Sob.  'Yes,' he was there.  Sob, sob. 'Yes,' he took part.  Sob, sob, sob.   Most of FB's chums appear not to have been cricketers for they failed to walk.  FB was left shouldering the burden with one other boy - no prosecution but restitution of the damaged materials.  No pocket money for a few months.

FB gave up vandalism after that.  He has forsworn sacking Rome.  Roof tiles are safe in his hands.

He still walks.

Cricket and vandalism - they just don't go together.

Scripts leaked on line

Dr Who and friend with one of the leaked reports

Executive authorities at go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton are investigating a serious breach of security after several  match reports for forthcoming 4th XI matches were in appropriately released on line.

Fans have been asked not to distribute the leaked material further.

A spokesperson for the club said

'We would like to make a plea to anyone who might have any of this material and spoilers associated with it not to share it with a wider audience so that everyone can enjoy the matches when they are played.

'We know only too well that the 4th XI fans are the best in the world and we thank them for their help with this and their continued loyalty.'

The leak has reignited controversy that the world famous series of match reports are in fact written well in advance of any of the matches being played. 

More recently there have been other suggestions that the reports are computer generated or produced by an infinite number of monkeys sitting at an infinite number of keyboards.

The Club's spokesperson was at pains to deny these allegations:

'Do you really think that monkeys would make up that drivel?'