Reflecting on the success of the European team last week, Fantasy Bob played down his own role in securing the Ryder Cup event for Scotland in 2014, a project in which he worked alongside all time sporting hero Gavin Hastings. They were part of the bidding team that attempted to secure the 2009 event for Scotland. (The schedules slipped a year because of the Twin Towers attack weeks before the 2001 competition.)
FB said, 'Scotland and Wales were locked together in competition. Gavin thought that a few up and unders into the opposition 22 would do the job. But Gavin's record against Welsh opposition was mixed and we failed to spot the large chequebook masquerading as a hooker in the opposition front row. This had our scrum in all sorts of trouble, so we never secured the quality possession we needed for our outstanding back line. St Andrews, Turnberry, Carnoustie and Gleneagles could have scored tries from any part of the field.'
It was no surprise to FB that the Welsh course flooded - this also happened during the Tour's inspection of the course in 2000. It seems to FB that Welsh pitches have always had moisture problems. FB recalls the mud baths that used to take place at the Cardiff Arms Park of old. Even now there are problems with the surface at the Millenium Stadium.
All credit to the European team who really dug in when it mattered. FB thought that G Mac and Westwood, in particular, were outstanding. But the event could do without the loutish crowd behaviours of constant chanting and pointing. Even more so it could do without the unsporting cheering of opposition misfortune or poor shots. Fantasy Bob failed to notice when the Ryder Cup was redesignated as a football match.
WITTERINGS - CRICKET, LIFE AND ALL THAT OTHER STUFF
Saturday, 9 October 2010
Friday, 8 October 2010
Strictly Come Batting
Notwithstanding the success of Fantasy Bob's great friend and dancing partner Mark Ramprakash in the contest, FB has never really got the point of the popular TV show Strictly Come Batting. He was therefore unexcited by the prospect of a new series of the show this Autumn. But his equanimity has been disturbed.
Fantasy Bob has a strong stomach. He can stand most things. He has umpired opening partnerships by those Carlton greats Barnacle and Bluto without that feeling of vague ennui that has laid many others helpless. But he was wholly unprepared for the sight of a middle ranking cricketer such as Ann Widdicombe in a spangly dress and tiara. Particularly since he chanced upon this remarkable image inadvertently as Ms Widdicombe beamed out of the TV set in a BBC advertisement for the new show. No health warning was given before this appearance and it was before the watershed.
FB is now wholly traumatised, afraid that the apparition will appear again any time he turns the set on. He looks to his readers to advise him when Ms Widdicombe is safely back in the hutch. FB suspects that her innings will be short since she has a tendency to play across the line at anything pitched up. He looks forward to receiving the news that he can turn the TV on again in safety.
Fantasy Bob has a strong stomach. He can stand most things. He has umpired opening partnerships by those Carlton greats Barnacle and Bluto without that feeling of vague ennui that has laid many others helpless. But he was wholly unprepared for the sight of a middle ranking cricketer such as Ann Widdicombe in a spangly dress and tiara. Particularly since he chanced upon this remarkable image inadvertently as Ms Widdicombe beamed out of the TV set in a BBC advertisement for the new show. No health warning was given before this appearance and it was before the watershed.
FB is now wholly traumatised, afraid that the apparition will appear again any time he turns the set on. He looks to his readers to advise him when Ms Widdicombe is safely back in the hutch. FB suspects that her innings will be short since she has a tendency to play across the line at anything pitched up. He looks forward to receiving the news that he can turn the TV on again in safety.
Thursday, 7 October 2010
The Turner Prize
Fantasy Bob is widely respected for his eclectic cultural interests. However his appetite for conceptual art is limited. Frankly, he thinks much of it is a con perpetrated by assorted flash harries of little talent. To label this stuff art is, in FB's opinion, an insult to the great batsmen of the past such as Titian and Tintoretto. He accepts that this opinion will reduce his invitations to sip the Pinot Grigio at gallery openings.
Notwithstanding this view, Fantasy Bob takes a close interest every year in the Turner Prize, whose shortlist was announced this week. It contains the usual range of cross-bat shots in the form of piles of things on the floor or hung at strange angles to the wall or even not there at all. As usual it has excited much comment in the sporting press.
Fanstasy Bob does not understand why the great New Zealand batter Glen Turner endowed this prize. Perhaps it was in atonement for his own relentless batting style. That was a form of conceptual art in itself, similar in its transfixing quality to Douglas Gordon's frame by frame presentation of Hitchcock's Psycho over 24 hours, a previous winner of the prize.
But FB was greatly disappointed by this year's shortlist. He had high hopes of success when he submitted to the competition jury his 'Cover Drive'. This monumental work carried the endorsement of several critics, including that great artist Fraggle Watts.
Resplendent in trousers of a colour worthy of any conceptual artist, Fraggle commended FB's work, 'It's smoking,' he said. He elaborated, 'Fantasy's cover drive is an epochal example of the neo-realist-quasi-surreal-ironic style that has come to be known throughout the art world as the Carlton school. Its subtle blending of concept, line and material is reminiscent of the work of that great all rounder Pablo Picasso. It is of nothing, but of everything; it matches the shattered universe with the paucity of daring.......er.... how much more of this guff do you want......................... as I said, it's smoking.'
Alas for FB, that outstanding endorsement from one of Scotland's leading artists was not enough for the judges whose understanding of cricket must therefore once again be questioned.
Notwithstanding this view, Fantasy Bob takes a close interest every year in the Turner Prize, whose shortlist was announced this week. It contains the usual range of cross-bat shots in the form of piles of things on the floor or hung at strange angles to the wall or even not there at all. As usual it has excited much comment in the sporting press.
Fanstasy Bob does not understand why the great New Zealand batter Glen Turner endowed this prize. Perhaps it was in atonement for his own relentless batting style. That was a form of conceptual art in itself, similar in its transfixing quality to Douglas Gordon's frame by frame presentation of Hitchcock's Psycho over 24 hours, a previous winner of the prize.
But FB was greatly disappointed by this year's shortlist. He had high hopes of success when he submitted to the competition jury his 'Cover Drive'. This monumental work carried the endorsement of several critics, including that great artist Fraggle Watts.
Resplendent in trousers of a colour worthy of any conceptual artist, Fraggle commended FB's work, 'It's smoking,' he said. He elaborated, 'Fantasy's cover drive is an epochal example of the neo-realist-quasi-surreal-ironic style that has come to be known throughout the art world as the Carlton school. Its subtle blending of concept, line and material is reminiscent of the work of that great all rounder Pablo Picasso. It is of nothing, but of everything; it matches the shattered universe with the paucity of daring.......er.... how much more of this guff do you want......................... as I said, it's smoking.'
Alas for FB, that outstanding endorsement from one of Scotland's leading artists was not enough for the judges whose understanding of cricket must therefore once again be questioned.
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
The controversy of Edinburgh's new wicket
Fantasy Bob notes media reports that Edinburgh City Council are considering sacking the contractors who have been laying the new wicket in Princes Street. He is not surprised. There is no evidence that these contractors have the first bit of knowledge about cricket or the preparation of quality surfaces.
What media reports do not reveal, but which FB has on good authority, is that heading the running to take over the project is none other than Carlton's doughty groundsman Moon. Moon will lead a consortium of taxi drivers to repair the damage to the City's prime playing surface and ensure its availability for the start of the new season. The practice facilities in Leith Walk will follow once the holes in the surface have been filled in.
Commenting on his new project Moon said, 'How on earth these ******* bandits charged £500m for what they've done so far is beyond me. I've seen no evidence of the light roller being used appropriately. The important thing is to scarify the surface before the first frost. After that a few sessions in the spring with the heavy roller will ensure the surface Edinburgh deserves.'
What media reports do not reveal, but which FB has on good authority, is that heading the running to take over the project is none other than Carlton's doughty groundsman Moon. Moon will lead a consortium of taxi drivers to repair the damage to the City's prime playing surface and ensure its availability for the start of the new season. The practice facilities in Leith Walk will follow once the holes in the surface have been filled in.
Commenting on his new project Moon said, 'How on earth these ******* bandits charged £500m for what they've done so far is beyond me. I've seen no evidence of the light roller being used appropriately. The important thing is to scarify the surface before the first frost. After that a few sessions in the spring with the heavy roller will ensure the surface Edinburgh deserves.'
Tuesday, 5 October 2010
Donald Dewar - in tribute to a great sportsman
Fantasy Bob watched last night's TV documentary about legendary opening bat and skipper Donald Dewar with some interest. He was resigned to the fact that there was no reference to cricket It is of course to be expected that BBC Scotland will wholly disregard the possibility that cricket is of interest to anyone in Scotland. But he was a bit disappointed that the programme failed to make at least a passing reference to his own important influence on Mr Dewar's approach to the game.
Keen readers of these pages will need no reminding how Fantasy Bob previously recalled that he once coached the late First Minister. Indeed Fantasy Bob can, with complete justification, modestly claim to have told Mr Dewar all he knew about cricket.
Mr Dewar had wide ranging interests in history, art and literature, so it was a surprise to FB when he first met the First Minister that he confessed to little understanding of our noble game. Fantasy Bob had to take him from first principles and he soon developed an appropriate interest and enthusiasm. He was delighted to discover that FB actually played the game and was even more amused when FB described his bowling as military medium. For Mr Dewar, any game which could devise such a term was a game worthy of his interest. Indeed, Military Medium became Mr Dewar's nickname for FB.
Under FB's coaching, Mr Dewar also observed the progress of the 1999 World Cup and shared FB's disappointment that Scotland failed to progress beyond the group stages. He was however transfixed by the dramatic finish of the semi-final between Australia and S Africa where Australia tied the game in the last over following a panic-ridden piece of running by Alan Donald. He professed great admiration for the toughness of mind of Steve Waugh whose innings did much to win the game for his side. Mr Dewar remarked to FB that Waugh was just the kind of chap that you need in a Cabinet.
Interestingly between 1966 and 1970 Mr Dewar served as MP for Aberdeen South, the constituency where Fantasy Bob spent his early years. He was unseated in the 1970 election by Iain Sproat who was the author of a number of books on cricket including the Cricketer's Who's Who. Clearly Mr Dewar's then low understanding of the game was of critical importance to the electorate and he might have benefitted from FB's insights at a considerably earlier stage in his career.
As many others have remarked he was a great man taken untimely from us and who left a big space at the top of the batting order.
Keen readers of these pages will need no reminding how Fantasy Bob previously recalled that he once coached the late First Minister. Indeed Fantasy Bob can, with complete justification, modestly claim to have told Mr Dewar all he knew about cricket.
Mr Dewar had wide ranging interests in history, art and literature, so it was a surprise to FB when he first met the First Minister that he confessed to little understanding of our noble game. Fantasy Bob had to take him from first principles and he soon developed an appropriate interest and enthusiasm. He was delighted to discover that FB actually played the game and was even more amused when FB described his bowling as military medium. For Mr Dewar, any game which could devise such a term was a game worthy of his interest. Indeed, Military Medium became Mr Dewar's nickname for FB.
Under FB's coaching, Mr Dewar also observed the progress of the 1999 World Cup and shared FB's disappointment that Scotland failed to progress beyond the group stages. He was however transfixed by the dramatic finish of the semi-final between Australia and S Africa where Australia tied the game in the last over following a panic-ridden piece of running by Alan Donald. He professed great admiration for the toughness of mind of Steve Waugh whose innings did much to win the game for his side. Mr Dewar remarked to FB that Waugh was just the kind of chap that you need in a Cabinet.
Interestingly between 1966 and 1970 Mr Dewar served as MP for Aberdeen South, the constituency where Fantasy Bob spent his early years. He was unseated in the 1970 election by Iain Sproat who was the author of a number of books on cricket including the Cricketer's Who's Who. Clearly Mr Dewar's then low understanding of the game was of critical importance to the electorate and he might have benefitted from FB's insights at a considerably earlier stage in his career.
As many others have remarked he was a great man taken untimely from us and who left a big space at the top of the batting order.
Monday, 4 October 2010
A blow against mammon
Fantasy Bob invites his readers - all 3 of them - to join the worldwide campaign of objection to the proposal shortly to go before the ICC to restrict the Cricket Wrold Cup to a 10 nation format. In FB's opinion this is a short sighted measure which is motivated by little other than the greed of the larger nations - 'the haves'. it gives scant consideration to the wider development of the game worldwide in the affiliate and associate countries. If you agree - open this petition on the Cricket Europe website and try to influence the decision makers.
An unsung hero
In another idle moment today, Fantasy Bob was scanning the CricketScotland website and was delighted to see reference to the excellent Carlton website - (it's the final piece on the link).
In FB’s view, this recognition is long overdue since in his travels round the cricket blogosphere, the Carlton website is without equal. This is not just because of its occasional references to his own activities, although he has no objection to those. Indeed the CS article repeats this successful formula by including a link to the website's current front page - which contains a picture of FB in the full glory of his delivery stride. FB is confident that this action will be carefully studied by Pete Steindl and the CS coaching staff in order to inspire the Saltires’ bowling attack to greater achievements next season.
FB was also delighted to note in the CS article the credit given to John Boyd for his work on the website – and the junior section at Carlton. Again, in FB’s opinion, this is long overdue.
All power to you John - an unsung hero if ever there was!
All power to you John - an unsung hero if ever there was!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)